Last week, I pulled out all of my journals from 2007-2009 when I was still adhering to superstitious New Age Manifestation books and techniques. These lists are beyond mortifying and embarrassing - I'm red and cringing right now even typing this article. But after asking on IG Stories if these are something you guys would like to see in order to reference “what not to do” as part of my Demystifying series surrounding superstition and spiritual bypass around Manifestation, I got a resounding yes.
So, let’s get this train started. I thought I’d start off light, rather than the ultra-mortifying guy/relationship lists (palm to face) by simply sharing one of my “home” lists.
BACKSTORY | I’ve just turned twenty-four here, I’m a cocktail server at a comedy club on Sunset. I make roughly $500/ wk, and a little extra here and there when I book commercials and acting work. I live in a hip but shabby apartment in a dreadful area of East Hollywood where I pay $850/mth in rent. And my “extra” money a week for fun is MAYBE $40. I’m deep into two VERY famous Manifestation books at this point in time, though I’ve been deep into some form of “Creating Your Reality” book for seven years by now, because I’m an artist that’s trying to figure out how to have some control over my career and success.
LIST | In this particular list, I’m “asking” for my 2,500 sq ft house in Malibu complete with three bedrooms and an office, pool, steam room, library/study, view of the ocean… (I know, mortifying, can someone show me a hole to go hide in right now). Who do I think I am, a rapper? But truthfully, it’s a good case study as there are a lot of things to learn from this list – especially for a new manifestor that’s just joining this journey now with F+N.
WHATS WRONG | a lot of my clients can point out pretty quickly what’s wrong with this manifestation approach.
4. Expanders / Beliefs
Macro | whoa!!! Today, my beliefs are certainly expanded enough, I’ve met enough people that have this type of home on a small scale, in this area, similar to me, that did it creatively. But then, this wasn’t even a five-year plan back then. It was a ten-year plan. I teach clients that they need to manifest with believable subjects 6-9 months from now. Micro.
Deadline | AND I’m asking for it with a deadline of five months!!! I mean, it’s The S*cret, so anything can happen right? Especially if I visualize and I live each day as if I already have it?
Ego | I do love Malibu but I can honestly look back at my younger self and say that she wasn’t asking for this due to Malibu’s remote tranquility and connection to the land. This was most likely status, to fit in, to be loved, and to be respected.
Beliefs | during this time, my actual beliefs are operating on: only rich people can buy houses in LA. Let alone Malibu, or even better, have enough for a down payment. I hadn’t seen anyone around me that’s similar to me do that during this time. The only people I’ve heard of that live in Malibu are celebrities or hyper successful people in the industry.
More than anything I was just waking up to the work I needed to do on myself in order to remedy my limiting beliefs, low self-worth, insecurities, ego, and all the other very important components that go into "raising your vibration" - code for raising self-worth. At this point, I worked with The Universe but I still hadn't manifested anything surprisingly big, so I didn't have much trust in The Universe. That muscle developed and strengthened after a few notable Manifestations. I didn't understand the concept of advocating for myself, and forming strong boundaries around fearlessly walking away from anything that didn't serve me. Manifestation is about 10% spirituality and the rest is growing into your most whole, integrated self, not settling, trusting, and jumping off cliffs.
I’m SO grateful that nearly nothing from the lists in these journals panned out over a two-year span. A couple of little things - that I was expanded enough for and had aligning self-worth with did - but pretty much nothing else. If the frustrating years from 17-late 24 didn’t happen, I would have never cracked my personal Manifestation process and formula; therefore, I would have never created a successful company out of thin air. I would have never found my amazing partner. I wouldn't have had the opportunity to advise countless inspiring souls into materializing their manifestations. And I certainly wouldn’t be here – right where I am – where I wake up every day in exactly the reality I’ve created and asked for.
But for real, SO bummed that I threw away my old vision boards. We could have had a far greater belly laugh over those!
if you're in need of guidance during the exciting, personal, and delicate process of manifestation, I look forward to connecting over a session. And for those looking to get some of this self-work started, you only have two days left to sign up for this UNBLOCKED digital workshop.